walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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