But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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