I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
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i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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