you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
