I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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