It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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