remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
So squirting runs in the family.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Randomize
