Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
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