I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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