I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
