i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Randomize
