i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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