He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
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