Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
