it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
he fucked my hip out of place.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
