fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
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