My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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