That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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