I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
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