thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
