yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
