I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
and you fell through a lawn chair
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
