i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
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