He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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