just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
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