Apparently you make a good broom.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
