I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
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