Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
