yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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