I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
