I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
