I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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