We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Be still, my beating vagina.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Let's paint friendship bongs
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Randomize
