Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Randomize
