I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
