I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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