dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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