this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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