Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
