So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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