just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Did I show you my penis last night?
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
