I look better un-naked...
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
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