I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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