Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Randomize
