It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize