I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
