I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
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