How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
