my mouth tastes like poor choices
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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