I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
