I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I think a kid would responsible me up
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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