he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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