That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Randomize
