sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
