Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
PANTIES FOUND
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
