FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
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