I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
