Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
He's on the porch naked. Help.
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