I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
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