i just wanna soil my oats bro
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
