If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Randomize
