she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
