I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
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I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
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Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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