Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
