he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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