why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Randomize
