We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
