I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
