Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Randomize
