I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Rumble strips road head = magical
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
