you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Are my feet made of real feet?
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
